I really can’t be arsed doing anything at the moment. I have little motivation which is not like me at all. I usually love performing and writing. I love putting words in orders that will make people laugh, cry, nod their heads in agreement or at least make people angry because it is exactly the opposite of what they think. The last month though I feel like I'm done, cooked, sliced and diced, no point moving forward etc
This might not help. I’m over the following: comedy, people who tell you they care, Novak Djokovic dominating tennis, the AFL Commission, people who have a crack at you and then apologise saying it is out of line, the NBA lockout, Australia's anhedonic attitude to itself, people who tell you they care but quite clearly have ulterior motives, stand up comedy, comic books, reading, music and writing lists of shit you’re over…hence I will stop writing this list now.
I’m not certain what the cause of this general malaise is. It could be that I am turning 39 soon and while growing older doesn’t really bother me per se it is the sense that another year has passed and I am completely lost as to what to do next.
Don’t get me wrong: my life is not terrible. I don’t live in Darfur in fear of my life, I don’t live in Iraq uncertain of what is going to happen the next day and I don’t live in Detroit wondering why the rest of the nation is doing nothing to save my city. I am relatively healthy and even appear to be in better shape now than I was at the beginning of my 30’s. It is more a sense of nothing matters. Nothing means anything. I feel very comfortable losing touch with friends, as I will make new friends that will mean just as much to me in the future as the current friends do now. My perfect weekend is turning off the phone, turning on the TV and eating a block of chocolate for, if there is no one around to see you eat the block of chocolate, it could be said maybe you didn’t eat it all. With that reasoning I will not only take on the demeanor of Buddha but also the figure as well.
I was meant to write a part two for my travels in NZ but have instead turned them into a stand up routine on stage. This story may appear in next year’s Comedy Festival show “The Goodbye Guy”. That is if I can be arsed putting it on. I’ve been performing for nearly 18 years and while it has been a blast I am tired. It is pretty much the same experience every year. I’m now on my 3rd or 4th round of the same conversations all comics have at some point.
“I just want some breaks to come my way,” says the young comedian who doesn’t know how good they’ve got it.
“What do I have to do to get noticed?” asks the comedian on TV at least once a week.
“I’m sick and tired of the sexism inherent in this industry,” says the female comic who is getting great breaks because she’s a girl.
“Women aren’t funny,” says the male comic immediately validating the female comic complaining about sexism in the industry.
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah….
Maybe it is this country in general? We live in a fantastic country that does it’s best to create problems to help justify our relative happiness. It is the equivalent of the hot friend who has to talk about their unreasonable anxiety to appear relatable. It is like the really successful friend who has to talk consistently about the stresses of their life to justify their good fortune. I’m taking time off from the newspapers, as I cannot read about Labor’s hemorrhaging leadership debacle anymore. I cannot read about how the AFL is on the verge of another crisis, consistently putting the spotlight on the administrators rather than the fantastic game itself. I cannot be arsed watching the extreme Right assimilate the rhetoric of the Left to stamp their already formidable authority while the Left dithers about like chickens with no purpose in life. Avoid the newspapers and find your life exponentially become happier within minutes.
Just to stop the doom and gloom of this blog from getting out of hand, here are some things that I enjoy: Season six of Doctor Who, Rory punching Hitler, Rory using the Mona Lisa to smash a robot, season two of Treme, season one of Game of Thrones, season three of InTreatment, working on the new comedy night The Shelf with Adam Richard, pretending to play guitar while singing seriously at Gatesy for hours on end, pretending to play piano while singing seriously at Gatesy for hours on end, my holiday name Dieter Von Fun Fun, Nadal and Federer with the giggles, the writing of Grant Morrison, Rob Hunter supporting Louis CK, this clip of Frank Stallone, these trailers rated in excitement level: one, two, three and four, the excitement of interviewing Steve Carell for my podcast with Peter Helliar and writing lists of things I enjoy…but I shouldn’t write too much more as it is ruining the solipsism of this blog.
I have possibly worked myself through this. Maybe I’ll delete this blog as I feel a bit better after having purged myself of negative thoughts. It could also be the fact that by perfect randomness Billy Joel’s “Angry Young Man” came on shuffle and not only made me laugh at its appropriateness but reminded me this is my favourite song to sing at Gatesy while pretending to play his piano. Ask Gatesy about it and when he replies with a far away look in his eyes you’ll know without a doubt that it is funnier for me than him.
This is an undiluted insight into my head. Invigorating or just plain yuck? I’ll let you decide and whatever you think is probably correct. Or you might just think, “meh” to which we would at least have that in common.
12th of September, 2011