Road Show: Cairns

It is difficult to remain in the touch with the world when you’re on the road.  The people you travel with become your family.  Your private thoughts are the only things you can trust.  Your inner voice is the last voice you should listen to.  Your real life remains a shadow you take little notice of.  The road stretches in front of you without end.  The clouds trick you into believing you could be anywhere.  The world continues turning and unless it can squeeze into your bubble then you have no use for it.

With that in mind I have no idea who Jordan Paris is.  When I saw his name trending my first thought was that Michael Jordan was going to come out of retirement in the French Basketball league.  Instead it was a story about some douche that steals material and is being rewarded for it on national television.  A couple of the comedians I am on the road with know him and have for years been telling him that stealing material is wrong.  That is annoying.  All I know about him is that he steals material, talks about himself in the third person (without irony) and the quick glimpse on TV suggests his face is in 2D but his teeth are in perpetual 3D.

Chris Wainhouse once said this to me about people who steal material:  “What I hate is that they steal the material after you’ve done all the hard work.  You have an idea, you write it, you work it in clubs and you live and die with the jokes until it is bright and shiny and ready to go.  Then these arseholes steal it.  If they stole it while I was working it, we could both work it together and then make it great at a much quicker rate.”  I think Chris summed it up beautifully.  The fact that this guy has no sense of shame that he is stealing material is probably the most unforgiveable part of this whole sorry affair.  Of course I have so little faith in this industry I fully expect Austereo to pick him up and make him they’re Mauve Thunder driver dispensing icy cold cans of coke and getting him to appear at any hot spot where women wear nothing and boys have nothing but jizz on their minds.

The only reason I heard about old Fang Face is that Twitter was hilarity a go go with a lot of friends spending the day ripping into him.  Now I don’t want this to be misconstrued as any sort of defence but I did find the Twitter frenzy fascinating because would it have happened if it was a comedian with a high profile who had done the same thing?  I am merely playing Devil’s advocate by suggesting if it was someone who was beloved within the community I think we would have seen a much different scenario.  Probably a lot of mumbling in the dark at comedy clubs but no one would come out and have a direct crack.  As has been noted before this industry is too small so if a high profile comedian shits all over your pride and steals your gags you just have to sit back and take it.  Maybe that is why everyone is ripping into this guy?  A whole bunch of us finally have a comic we can rip into and know we’re not going to receive a tap on the shoulder from a manager or a producer telling you your career is fucked.

That is until he gets that sweet radio job I mentioned earlier.

Meanwhile the three shows in Cairns have been nothing but brilliant.  The Cairns Civic Theatre is one of my favourites in the country and the audiences are one of the smartest, loving the asides and the improvisation as much as the big gags.  I could easily come here on a regular basis and do gigs if only my profile could generate any interest outside of a few people in Fitzroy.  All three nights were brilliant and I felt like I was at my very best because of it.

I also have some friends here, Linds and Mark, who I met way back in 2005 when I first came here on Road Show.  We hit it off immediately and have pretty much remained in touch since then.  It is difficult to stay in touch with friends that live far away, especially in these modern times.  Whenever we do catch up though it is like I have just seen them yesterday.   They’re a great couple with gorgeous children and it has been a treat spending time here in Cairns with them.  This is another reminder of how the road doesn’t always have to be a collection of moments spent alone that are punctuated by performing in front of hundreds of people.  If you have the time and take the time you can make friends with people like Linds and Mark who will take you to restaurants, come to your shows and celebrate on your final day in the town with a picnic.

And it was a delightful picnic that didn’t illicit one conversation revolving around Jordan Paris.

Cairns buddies

Justin Hamilton


26th of May, 2011