Ah sweet red eye flight! A 1.45am flight from Darwin to Brisbane nearly kills the Road Show team. I watch as my crew fall one by one, struggling with sitting upright and sleeping at the same time. There is much consternation but one person has it mastered: me. I will let you in on the secret that appeared to tickle my companions but had me walking into the cool Brisbane morning as close to refreshed as one can be after such a flight.
First up I make certain I have snacks. Snacks are important. They give your jaw something to do. Not just one type of snack but an arrangement of tasty treats. When the Virgin stewardess asks me what I want I order some biscuits, a packet of M & M’s and some cheese and crackers. That is snacks ahoy!
Then I order two glasses of red wine. They will only serve you one at a time to stop you from turning into Brian McFadden or Ralph Fiennes. That is fine, I am more than happy to buzz for my next drink and besides, it gives me more room on my tray for treats. I also have a bottle of water to keep me from dehydrating and/or ending up with red lips like a try hard Joker impersonator.
I have my iPhone out and headphones plugged in. This will come in handy for two reasons: people are reluctant to talk to you while you wear them and albums help you realise that time has passed you by. As an example: when I am going to sleep I like to listen to David Bowie’s “Scary Monsters” album. Now what happens normally on these flights is that you nod off and then immediately wake again gnashing your teeth in despair that you haven’t slept at all. The problem is you probably have had a little sleep but don’t realise it at the time because it is not quality. So I listen to an album that I know back to front so when I wake I can tell immediately how long I’ve snoozed by what song I am up to. The album begins with “It’s No Game” and then I wake up to “Because You’re Young”. That is roughly 38 minutes of sleep. Nice one!
Finally I have three types of things I want to read so I can go with whatever I feel like at the time. I have “Huckleberry Finn” on my Kindle. I have two magazines: Wired UK and a Sci Fi mag. This night I choose to read about the new season of Doctor Who and other Sci Fi types of things.
Now that I have all of that in front of me I can go back and forth between my drinks, my snacks, my things to read and snooze time. The only thing that would make it perfect is if I was wearing a fez. Fezzes are cool.
When we land in Brisbane it is straight to the hotel where I sleep until 1pm and then I shuffle about geting ready for our last gig in Logan. This group comes to an end here; we’ve already lost Hannah Gadsby and have Dead Cat Bounce joining us. The Dead Cat boys and Mike Wilmot will stay in Brisbane for the Road Show performances at the Powerhouse, which I did last year. Instead I will return home to Melbourne and get ready for the next part of the trip I rejoin next Monday.
The Logan gig is an absolute treat, one of the best on Road Show. The audience is loud and enthusiastic. They laugh at the big jokes and the asides, the smutty and the surreal, the clever and the swearing. They are an absolute delight and a perfect way to say goodbye to this section of the tour.
And when I arrive home the next day I hit the wall because that would have to be the hardest bit of touring I’ve done on Road Show. It evened out to 10 flights in 10 days of which the smallest flight was roughly an hour and twenty minutes. Australia is a big place. I’m certain if I’d done the equivalent flying in Europe I would have visited 10 different countries.
It was a blast though and touring with Bob Franklin, Marina Franklin, Mel Buttle, Hannah Gadsby, Mike Wilmot and his wife Elaine, Dead Cat Bounce, our tour manager Bridget and techies Stew and Flashbang was an absolute treat.
Now if they only followed the “Hamilton Snacks Ahoy” method for air travel they would probably feel the same way.
Fitzroy North by way of Logan
11th of May, 2011