In Aker We Trust?

Ah Akermanis, you are a joy.

With the sincerity of a good Aussie bloke he’s really let us know that hey, there’s nothing wrong with being gay, just keep it to yourself because no one in the AFL could cope.  Whew!  Thank you for speaking up, I would have hated to see a bunch of players come out of the woodwork and declare their homosexuality.  It would just ruin the game on so many levels.  Imagine having to put up with the snickers of commentators when they used terms like “holding the man” and “push in the back”?  Imagine if your favourite footballer came out one day and then the next day kicked a winning goal?  Would you still be able to cheer for him while knowing deep down you’re still a good old fashioned heterosexual or would barracking for that player force you to head straight to JB and buy up all of Kylie’s albums?  What a dilemma!

There is so much to laugh at in his column.

Firstly that it would be international news.  Yep, when I’ve been overseas the amount of news coverage that goes to the AFL is embarrassing.  I hear that the possibility of Ablett going to the Gold Coast is almost as important on where Lebron James may end up in the NBA.  This is a clear sign of the world that Aker lives in; one where the AFL is important all over the world.  Heck, it isn't even important in all of Australia, right NSW and Qld?

I love that locker room nudity is ok when you’re heterosexual but if you’re gay then whoa Nellie, get thee out of here.  It is the mistake of all homophobic men that they think if another man is gay they automatically want to have sex with them.  This is not the case and Aker should be quietly relieved that I do not know of one man who finds him attractive in anyway, gays and straights included.

How about his statement that AFL footy is not ready for it?  Brilliant.  I’m pretty certain there were a lot of racists that weren’t ready for Rosa Parks to sit at the front of the bus too.  We really should have kept their feelings in mind when we allowed the world to move forward. 

Aker’s comment that he played in the two’s with a gay player is brilliant as well.  (In the two’s!  Ha!)  Aker described him as a good guy but in the terms that you can describe another man without fear of being touched by a fairy wand.  And I love the implication of, “Hey, being gay is fine, some of my best friends are gay”.  It’s like we’ve travelled back in time and are trapped in a 90’s sitcom.

“What I should have done was sit down and talk with him in an attempt to understand his life,” Aker has said about his gay amigo.  Why?  Why do you need to understand him?  Can’t you just like him for who he is?  I’m sure no one is trying to sit down with Aker and talk to him to understand why he bleaches his hair and has a different colour goatee?  And don’t tell me they’re different things.  One is a man being able to love another man free of prejudice; the other is the ability to look like someone who really wishes he ran a saloon bar in Texas free of ridicule.  I’ll be honest, I’m more afraid of the potential saloon bar guy than I am of the homosexual but then again, in my defence, maybe I just don’t understand him?

Look it would be easy to go through all of Aker’s article and tear it apart because he really has painted a target on nearly every line.  And the argument that he was trying to open up the debate is ludicrous.  I guess that was what Nathan Bock was doing when he apologised for cracking his missus and being suspended for one game: just trying to open up the debate that hitting chicks is not cool.

What I have a problem with is why do we care what Akermanis has to say?  If the man had any other profession he would quite clearly be “Nigel No Friends”; the dickhead mate that you stay in touch with because you went to Primary School together.  Just because he is good at kicking a footy through four sticks does not mean we should care about anything he has to say.  The media and the footy loving public put too much stock in what these footballers think because they’re blinded by the glamour of the sport.  I watch some of my best friends faun around footballers and then pass off their transgressions as just one of those things.  How many times have we watched people on TV say things like “Aker is just being Aker,” or “Cousins is really nice when you get to know him” or “Carey is a top guy”?  If they didn’t play footy we would shun them for the tools they are and not give them columns and positions on radio to air their ill informed views.  What we should be doing is encouraging the public to want to read articles by educated people who can make a proper argument that is based on facts and fairness.  That way we would all benefit and possibly evolve as a society.

But then again I live in la la land and just have to accept that in this world, when shit gets real, the media will turn to Aker rather than someone with half a brain.

And for those people who think he shouldn’t be allowed to say what he wants to say then you should remember we live in a democracy so therefore if he has a column and wants to prove to the public that he is douche bag then that is his right.  I will support him on that 100% because some of my best friends are douche bags.

Justin Hamilton

Fitzroy North

May 20th, 2010