The Tasty Byte 5

TOMORROW’S HEADLINES YESTERDAY FOR GENERATION TODAY!

NEWSFLASH!

Channel Ten to debut new reality based panel game show.  “Fingered” stars some of Australia’s greatest personalities and comedians in a show that is being dubbed “part news stories, part comedic outlook, part actual shit happening but definitely all fun most of the time”.  The new show pits thirteen teams made up of three team members as they must guess which news story is actually real.  Reports from initial filming have come in that Isabel Lucas, star of Transformers 2 and whale snogging, while viewing a scene of an Iraqi bomb exploding in the desert buzzed in a little too quick.  “Is it a scene from the new Bond movie?  I love Matt Damon.”  Boy was she wrong!  If the show sounds as funny as this then sign me up for more. 

NEVER GIVE A DOG A BONO!

Bono confirmed as new Australian president.  “Yes, I am proud to call myself Austrian” Bono stated at a packed news conference while addressing a mirror.  “I think he’ll be marvellous,” Kevin Rudd gushed.  We think he may have been Prime Minister at some point but he was unwilling to clarify whether this was a truth or a sinister smear campaign.  “Lets just let sleeping fish lie,” the Ruddster said in his best attempt to sound like an Aussie battler or sending out a sly message to the heads of the Family about the final fate of Luca Brazi.

CHANNEL 9 STRIKES BACK!

This just in:  Eddie Maguire to host new game show, “I’m Still Standing”.  In this new reality based comedy game show contestants and comedians must guess the next lyric in the song while having medicine balls aimed at their heads.  “This will finally bring people together so we can be y’know, like, united and stuff,” says some actor that once appeared on “Neighbours”.  No reports on whether Eddie Everywhere will be hosting, producing or eating those who bow out early.  “I’ll do whatever I want!” screamed Eddie at a blind woman who just happened to stand near him while she patted her Seeing Eye dog.  Nice one Eddie!

ISABEL LUCAS GETS JOKE

Intellectual filibuster Isabel Lucas releases press release after gaffe on new game show.
“I would like to apologise to all my fans in Iraq about my recent comments.  They were totally without merit and to prove my sincerity I am going to ride a whale to your land and make everyone like each other again.”
Not only was the press release delivered in person but it was written with the brightest crayons and had the most beautiful glitter and stars glues to its borders.  How can you not love her!

NEW DOCTOR WHO!

After Matt Smith was attacked and brutally beaten by a grandma with a walking stick for failing to be David Tennant, a new Doctor Who had to be written into the series.  Well, aren’t we all surprised by this news?
“The new Doctor will be played by Meryl Streep.”
Hold the iphones!  Isn’t the Doctor like, y’know, a bloke?
“I will be playing him in the style of Jon Pertwee so all the fans out there don’t need to worry,” Merryl said from the set of her new movie “Ooops!” where she will play the doomed space shuttle Challenger.  With a soundtrack by Billy Paul this looks to be the feel good comedy of the summer!

THIS JUST IN!

Channel 7 have decided to unveil it’s new show “Cop That In The Footballs”, a variety show about footy starring ex footy players in drag…