Idiot Man Child

I’ve decided to call my new stand up show “Idiot Man Child”.  Funny words placed in a row or a declaration of immaturity?  You decide!

For those of you who doubt my credentials I lay them humbly before you.  I don’t drive.  Anything.  Planes, trains and automobiles are not only out of bounds for me as a driver but I have never watched the movie in the off chance I would accidentally pick up some skills that would come in handy in an emergency.

IDIOT MAN CHILD!

I still read comics.  Yep, I really do.  My favourite writer is not Shakespeare or Chabon or even Ludlum but comic book writer Grant Morrison.  If you have ever seen one of my comedy festival shows and thought, “He’s quite clearly influenced by (insert comedian’s name)” you have been completely wrong because I owe my whole recent career to the works and inspiration of Morrison.  (And probably Woody Allen, especially his early 80’s work but that does nothing to help this argument.)  In real life I never cry believing the lyrics to Peter Allen’s “Don’t Cry Out Loud” to be more than just words but a mantra to live by.  Then I read a page from Morrison’s All Star Superman where the Man of Steel saves a young Emo girl from committing suicide by telling her, “You’re much stronger than you think you are.  Trust me.” And I’m a blubbering mess.

IDIOT MAN CHILD!

I don’t have a mortgage because not only does it sound too expensive but what would my life be like if I couldn’t afford to buy the box set of Battlestar Gallactica on a whim because all my money was needed to repair the floorboards in the kitchen?

IDIOT MAN CHILD!

Finally I have no children and don’t want children because what happens if they grow up and realise their Dad is an idiot man-child?  Would they expect me to grow up?  Would they expect me to not be at the same clubs as them in the wee hours of the morning?  Worst, would they rebel against me and become the Alex P Keaton’s of the new millennium?  That is fine for a sitcom but not what I’m looking for in real life.  I only want my life to be like a sitcom if it is going to resemble Joey and Chandler’s exploits in the early seasons of Friends, otherwise I am just not interested in jumping the shark.

IDIOT MAN CHILD!

So you heard it here first, the title for next year’s show.  It will be funny.  It will be full of tales of one man’s rebellion against society.  It will be full of childish remarks that will be thrown onto the carpeted floor with gay abandon.  And will I pick any of them up at the end of the night?  No.  I’ll let my Mum do that because that’s what grown ups are for.

IDIOT MAN CHILD!

Justin Hamilton

Fitzroy North

Sept 25th, 2009